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What Twelve Step Meetings Look Like

For those of us in Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, we spend years reading recovery literature, attending meetings, reciting quaint little sayings and attending the occasional after meeting meals with friends and sometimes other bonding activities. These are bonds that usually last years, though these twelve step programs themselves are built to last as a permanent part of the addict’s lifestyle. Sometimes, the process can feel pointless and lead to what I call “Recovery Fatigue” or burnout. There’s a hard line drawn in the sand that you must accept that addiction is a disease. For those familiar with the traditional twelve step process, it goes without saying that you also need to attend meetings on a regular basis for the remainder of your life if you want to have any hope of putting your addiction into remission. “We only have a daily reprieve”, “Our addiction is doing pushups in the parking lot right now” and other cliche’ sayings get thrown around in these sacred spaces on the daily.

The familiar styrofoam cups with the shitty Maxwell house standard breakfast blend coffee in them and the steel metallic chairs that dig into your back for sixty minutes become familiar, nostalgic and somehow even comfortable over time. Groups of alcoholics and addicts gather in a room together to discuss the steps and talk about where they’re at in their Recovery journey today. Sometimes war stories about “the old days” of getting arrested and catching felony charges or overdosing and sometimes the occasionally inspirational or uplifting speech is shared. Rarely does tension breakout, as most people are here for the ride of their lives. The majority of people here seem at the very least content, though for some folks they’ve been down this road many times before, yet they continue to “Keep coming back, because it works if you work it!” (referring to the program itself and the twelve steps and traditions).

At the beginning of a meeting, it’s tradition to go around the room to introduce ourselves by first name only and identify yourself as an addict or alcoholic. There are pieces of paper passed around, containing large excerpts from the main text of the program, often referred to as “The Big Book Of Alcoholics Anonymous” or just “The Big Book” for simplicity’s sake. After introducing ourselves, we then distribute the papers for members to read out loud until all of the papers are read, then there’s often a person who hands out chips or keytags which represent various periods of cleantime, after the papers are read aloud.

The “chip keeper” or “key tag keeper” goes through each amount of cleantime that is represented by the tags and chips and for anyone who has that amount of time, they come up and claim their prize and give the chip or tag keeper a hug as the members clap. This goes on until around eighteen months of cleantime is announced. After someone has completed more than eighteen months, they start earning specialized medal medallions which are distributed to them by their sponsors with each subsequent year of clean time past eighteen months.

Some outsiders might assume that these are “classes”, however a class is something with a definitive end. A place where you earn a grade and one day get to move on. Though, there are Anger Management “classes” too, which don’t necessarily have grades, but are intended to help people learn how to navigate the world despite their fiery attitude towards other people and life itself. Other than the occasional court order to attend meetings, no one is required to stay connected to any group or continue to participate in the program. However, one of the best features of staying “plugged in” is that no matter where you go, you have a whole network of built-in friends.

Out-of-towners in the program who attend meetings on vacation or buisness trips are greeted with warm welcomes. This is the general attitude of the membership; friendly faces even in strange places. There are big book meetings which are dedicated to reading passages from the Alcoholics Anonymous big book, there are speaker meetings where one person shares their story of “Experience, Strength and Hope”, there are regular meetings and then a couple of other types, which I am conveniently blanking on at the moment.

Chronic Relapsers

Some members of A.A and N.A are able to hold down a couple of years before “Going back out again” (a term which means to relapse). Others seem to struggle much more with remaining clean for significant periods of time. Believe it or not, there are older folks in their fifties and sixties who have been attending meetings for over twenty years, but still can’t manage to stay sober for more than a few days or a couple of weeks at a time before relapsing again. They often appear depressed that they can’t seem to hold it together for very long and many have tried going through the steps countless times, but could not maintain longevity in the program long enough for their lives to change in any meaningful way.

Since twelve step programs are generally compassionate and supportive environments, they often receive a “Glad you’re still here, keep coming back!”. It’s just part of what I like to call “The Script”. Twelve step programs have people known as "Sponsors”, whose job it is to guide “Sponsees” through all twelve steps in the program. Anyone can be a sponsor, but the only “real” requirement is that you must have completed the steps yourself before you can sponsor anyone else. There are different styles of sponsorship, some are laid back and understanding while others will become seriously pissed if you relapse and accuse you of wasting their time and “not taking the program seriously”.

Monotony & Boredom

As someone who has attended these meetings on and off since 2015, I’m very familiar with the twelve step model of Recovery. I’ve seen alot of things and have been fortunate enough to have not known many people who have died in the program. However, I’ve reached a point where these meetings feel like a drag to me. Sponsors, the prayers after the meeting, the steps themselves and anything related to A.A. One of my personal friends in the program whom I’ve known for nearly a decade at this point is in his mid sixties and has been struggling to stay clean for more than a couple of years at a time. He began attending meetings sometime in the eighties.

According to him, he has typically relapsed around step six and has rarely completed a full set of steps, but he has been a sponsor before on the occasions when he has managed to pull it off. He’s even sponsored people. This man is struggling to find his own conception of a higher power, which is stept two “ We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. I try to imagine what it must be like to spend decades in the program, attempting to nail down longterm sobriety and finally remain clean for more than a couple of years at a time. All of this is simply for me to say that I’ve grown quite bored of A.A, N.A and all things related to it, though for some reason I still plan on integrating it into my routine at some point in the distant future, as I attempt to sort out my life.