Religious trauma can be a complicated topic for so many. I would personally define it as the fear of the possibility of facing eternal damnation as the result of not walking the straight and narrow. The uncertainty of the consequences for “not getting it right” can cause so much paranoia, leading some to abandon their faith and become apostates. I’ve only ever experienced this once, but did return back to my “home religion” (Christianity) after a period of atheism followed by a much longer period of agnosticism. Like a mistletoe decorated with spiritual nukes hanging around the neck in a nooselike fashion, this threat (real or imagined) even manages to leave marks of trauma in those whom have long ago abandoned their Christian roots.

Jesus was once said to have walked on water but to some (due to his demonstration of wrath in the Bible as explained in the old testament), he is skating on the thinnest of ice patches with fewer chances than ever before to earn their genuine respect. In a world scarier and more broken than ever, strangely enough it seems as though there’s never been a greater need to believe in a higher power than right now in these most dangerous of times. Yet, how can one be a savior and a threat at the same time? Sure there are anti-heroes capable of great and terrible things but how can a benevolent being carry the burden of such senseless and amusing contradiction?

Most of us humans are decent in our conduct believing both in our honest efforts to carry out the days of our lives as admirably and peacefully as can reasonably be expected of such flawed beings. But what if that effort didn’t matter in the end? What if the awareness of our worst shortcomings and our prayers meant nothing at all to such a powerful force for “good”? In fact, the knowledge of all the ways in which we fall short can be quite devastating especially when we notice and are fully aware of them re-emerging again and again, even with the most sincerest of prayers to have them removed. So what does it mean to be a Christian in 2025? What does it mean to believe in anything in 2025? For me, it is a deeply personal journey in which I can only hope that I am worth saving, even with my glaring flaws and evil tendencies whether in thought or in deed.