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Beyond Reality TV

In 2015 there was television show on MTV called “One Bad Choice” which created dramatizations and reenactments of real life scenarios where young people made a single bad choice that changed the course of their entire lives. Often resulting in legal and moral consequences that left them with a lifetime of crippling guilt. It’s incredibly rare that most people would find themselves in these types of situations let alone being in proximity to someone that is. However in at least two instances, I’ve either come hypothetically close to meeting one such person and in another case, actually did cross paths with a young person who made a life altering decision that did and will have permanent ramifications to their lives.

Often, we may not consider how someone reaches the point of ruining their entire life during their childhood for making a single bad decision, because we don’t find ourselves in the position where we might have to ask ourselves that question in the first place. Most people can go a lifetime without spending a day in prison or being on trial for a serious crime, winning the lottery or being involved in a lawsuit. Such circumstances don’t happen very often so there’s no reason to reflect on them very often. The closest most of us ever get is hearing the occasional horror story through an online news source or watching a true crime documentary. Occasionally we here about the lucky fellow who big bucks from the lottery. It’s easy to have shock and awe that lasts anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour and then goes away. But what happens when you can’t turn away? What happens when someone close to you is that young person? What if that young person had been you? What would you do?

When Drugs And Money Become A Motive For Murder

I’ve already told these stories once before but not in as much depth and detail as I will here. Given what I’m trying to address, I will cover these stories here to raise some questions that have been on my mind. The point of this piece is not to distract with news articles and give people something else to invest their energy and time into, when the point is to get readers thinking about a topic in a more general sense as opposed to hyperfixating on real crimes involving real people.

In 2011 I got arrested for the first and only time in my life and crossed paths with a young man around my age named DJ. I don’t know what he was locked up for but I do remember that we did form a brief connection and started developing what seemed like it could become a friendship. We would talk sometimes and play card games together and even sat next to each other in the juvenile detention center we were both at. We reconnected on social media after we both got out and exchanged friendly hellos from time to time, but weren’t particularly close. One day I remember seeing a post cross my Facebook feed saying “Justice For DJ”. At this time it had been awhile since we had exchanged words so this naturally peaked my curiosity. Without knowing any information I suspected something bad had happened. Upon visiting his Facebook profile, I saw messages from friends and family alike saying “RIP DJ” and “They’ll catch whoever did this!” and similar types of posts. It was clear from viewing his profile that something bad had indeed happened to DJ, but I didn’t know exactly what.

It was about two weeks later when a news article was posted on his wall saying that a young woman around his age known as J. Barnes was taken into custody on suspected murder charges in connection with his death, after his body had been found floating in a river with four bullet holes through his torso. The young woman and a male accomplice were caught attempting to flee the state, supposedly making moves to run away to Arizona from Colorado and then likely figure out a strategy to move even further away in an effort to evade law enforcement, whom they must have known were going to catch up with them soon. I don’t remember how long the trial took but at some point it was determined that this J. Barnes woman and her accomplice were both found guilty.

The man in the situation got a lesser charge as he was determined to not be directly responsible for DJ’s death, whereas Barnes herself had been the one to actually carry out the murder. An article would soon surface explaining that the motive behind the murder was due to DJ “stealing a bag of dope, a ring and some money from Barne’s apartment after sleeping together”. I kept tabs on the trial from afar, hoping that justice would be served, though because we weren’t the closest of friends nor did we share any mutuals, I didn’t interact with the other people who likely knew him better than I did. If memory serves, the young woman was convicted and sentenced to around 66 years in prison with the potential for parole at some point. Of course certainly not anytime in the near future. This was a tragic story of what happens when people get into drugs. The fact that two young people’s lives were forever destroyed because one of them chose murder makes it even more tragic.

What is the most interesting twist of this story? The fact that some of the people that knew DJ would become friends of mine years later by total coincidence. The people that he associated himself with mostly were involved in the drug lifestyle and through talking to my friend Billard in 2015, found out that they were actually quite close before DJ died. Billard said he had even crossed paths with Miss Barnes once or twice before the murder had occured. It’s really interesting to think that had circumstances been just somewhat different, I may have even met her myself! Could I have ended up being killed instead? How would things have been different had I known these two individuals outside of a detention center? Would it have changed the dynamic of these relationships at all? Really interesting things to think about.

Guns & Alcohol

Upon my arrival to the juvenile detention center one of the first kids I met there was a boy by the name of E. Manly. Sixteen year old Manly was a special case, in November of the previous year he had stolen a gun from his mother’s boyfriend and killed somebody with it, presumably in a drunken rage. His mother was holding a party at her house where teens and young adults alike were consuming alcohol. That morning a guy named Jack came to the party and started arguing and feuding with Manly, even getting into a physical altercation with him. Manly then shot the 19 year old, killing him. According to the article I read after I got out, manly was facing the possibility of “a maximum of 32 Years in prison”. There was nothing particularly interesting about Manly himself, but over time before I had a chance to look him up online, I got the distinct sense from talking to him that he wasn’t going home anytime soon. According to the article, his mother didn’t face any charges despite providing alcohol to underage individuals and creating an environment where something like what happened, could actually take place. In short, I crossed paths with a soon-to-be murder victim and a killer at one time in one place. Perhaps others may not find that interesting but I certainly do.

When Tragedy Goes Both Ways

There’s no denying the fact that DJ’s and Jack’s deaths were both tragic and unnecessary, but I think the taboo part of this conversation that no one wants to engage with is the fact that the killers threw their own lives away at such a young age and that that in and of itself is a tragedy. Two things can be true simultaneously. Both scenarios included youths who had access to substances and weapons and both made the decision to end a life. These are highly unusal circumstances, because as mentioned above most adults can look back at their lives and remember the mistakes of their youth without being able to recall a single instance when they went far past the point of no return.

Maybe they got into some fights in high school, maybe they cheated on a homework assignment, faked being sick to stay home from school a few times or swore in church as a kid, but nothing that comes close to taking another human life. So naturally the question becomes “What types of decisions place somebody on the road to make such a life altering choice so young in the first place?”. We can talk about drugs, guns and alcohol all day and we can even acknowledge that there exists some people without a conscience, but what other factors play a part in these types of tragedies?

Imagine if you were a close friend or family member of Manly or J Barnes. What would your reaction be to the murders? Would you disown them immediately or would you be quick to jump to their defense, with blind faith that your loved one did nothing wrong? If they were guilty would you stay by their side. Why or why not? What if you were Manly or J. Barnes yourself? Assuming you weren’t a psychopath how would you live with what you did? Is it possible to acknoweldge the amount of pain, loss or remorse of all parties involved without stepping into the territory of excusing and justifying homicide or turning a blind eye to the severity of it? Imagine the parents of the killers staying up at night, wondering what they could have done differently to prevent these tragedies. In the case of Manly’s mother, her culpability is pretty obvious, though one might hope her son’s actions caused her to undergo a personal transformation of some kind in realizing the part that she played in allowing the tragedy to take place to begin with. Perhaps she was struggling with her own alcoholism, considering that the news article explains how she was known for holding such parties at her house with the knowledge that the attendees were underage.

Humanity And Accountability

The core question I want to ask is “Can we hold somebody accountable without treating them as less than human?”. It should go without saying that no matter how many drugs and alcohol were involved in both cases and regardless of the age of both defendents, they were still guilty of murder and deserved to face repercussions for it. However maybe there’s a way we can have empathy for these kids without discarding them like used tampons. Assuming they are remorseful for what they’ve done, I do think there should be opportunities for them to do some form of community service where they tell their stories to incarcerated youths who have not yet crossed that red line.

For as long as they’re in prison, their ability to do any sort of good is severely limited. I think it could be a life changing experience for these two convicts to offer their wisdom to the troubled youth of today in a controlled environment. It maybe the closest thing to a redemption arc that they have, considering the next few decades of their lives have already been written in stone. But there is an important question we must ask ourselves and it might be a little bit uncomfortable; could there have been any circumstances where in an alternate timeline, we ourselves could have committed the same crimes that they did? It seems unthinkable, right?

It’s difficult to say because we can’t know for sure. Also the downside of empathy-being able to put yourself in another person’s shoes, is that you have to be able to relate to the other person. But what if their experiences are so radically different from yours that you couldn’t? Would you be able to or would the difference between yourself and them be too great?

What Defines Who A Person Is?

Their actions do of course, but is it one good action or one bad action? Maybe it’s a series of choices that define who we are, but what determines a person’s capacity to change for the better or the worst? Does potential for change matter or is there a line that once crossed, cannot be “uncrossed” or forgiven? There maybe some very obvious examples that answer this question but at what point do we start to blur the lines? Can a moment define a person? If so, to what extent? I leave these questions open for your humble consideration.