In 2016 I got P.R.K eye surgery which changed my life for the better and for eight years I went from being legally blind to having good enough vision to not have to wear glasses. As a kid I was always encouraged by my parents, teachers and other classmates to wear my glasses but I just never liked the look or liked the feeling of being dependent on something outside of myself. I guess the ultimate pride trap. It felt like a crutch and it looked nerdy. My refusal to wear my glasses caused my parents to resort to financial bribery-meaning if my teachers and instructors saw me wearing glasses, they were to send my parents an email who would then reward me for my cooperation with money.

While I don’t know exactly the circumstances behind how and why, by late 2024 I had developed a case of pinkeye and started to notice gradual decline of my near perfect vision. To get my pinkeye checked out, I booked an appointmet with an eye doctor who after having me read some charts of letters and numbers informed me that according to the state of New Jersey, I am not legally permitted to drive without eyewear, so commenced to purchase some eyewear. Today I’m still not thrilled about the fact that I have to wear glasses again, but I am greatful for the time I did have. But am I really? I still find myself mourning the eyesight I have lost. For me, grattitude means accepting what is without being stuck in what was. This is my new reality and I am strugging to come to terms with it.

Acceptance has never been an easy thing for me. I am by nature a control freak and strongly prefer my independence over any kind of dependence on outside sources. Perhaps this explains my struggle with believing in the benevolence of a higher power to come through for me.